Marriage

Advice on Marriage

I was 22 when I married my first husband and do wish I had waited to get to know him better

Some of the lessons I took away from the experience:

Don’t marry someone to get away from a situation - In my case I had never got on well with my mom.

Don’t marry someone before you have an extensive courtship (at least two to three years) - we became engaged in February and married in April of the same year.

What affirmed my decision to get married again? 

I met my second husband at the inauguration of a support group - we actually had met eleven years prior and after our meeting at the support group we kept on bumping into each other in the most unexpected places and started dating. I would recommend getting married when you are older - I was forty when I remarried and my husband-to-be was forty-three we had both travelled a lot and had considerable life experience.By the time I was forty, I had completed a 4-year Honours course in social work at the University of the Witwatersrand and a research Master’s degree at the University of Johannesburg. I worked in the child protection field as a related foster care social worker for almost ten years also, I had at times to remove children and babies who were being physically abused by their biological parents. The various hospitals around Johannesburg got to know the social workers from my employer, the Johannesburg Child Welfare Society; and when we arrived carrying a child with non-accidental injuries they allowed us to go to the front of the queue in Casualty. I took a break from social work during the years 1987 and 1988 and worked as what the company called a Personnel Supervisor (an Employment Assistance role). My position entailed screening applicants for software positions using a personality test called the Thomas System. My husband-to-be had worked as an all-rounder at a small hotel in the South of France before embarking for a tour around Europe including Scandinavia where he has relatives on his late father’s side. He also worked in London, (driving forklift trucks at an American army base) and in Spain selling oranges and newspapers. Everything fell into place. My family, friends and my daughter from my first marriage, (then aged 14), all expressed their approval of a marriage between us, my first a cousin, (who was more like an older sister) said that my husband-to-be was very good for me.

What’s your advice to women who may be conflicted?

Listen closely to what your close friends and family have to say about your intended spouse because they may see negative character traits in him you have missed.